Random Marriage Advice

So I was on my friend Robyn's blog, Everyone wants to be a Roste, late last night (she is my blogging inspiration), and Robyn covers a new topic every month on which she blogs about. This month, since she is a newlywed, she is doing "Married Life So Far" and kicked off her topic by asking for marriage advice. I figure since I'm behind on  my own blogging, I'm going to steal my own content that I posted as commetns to her blog and post it here on mine as well.

So, when asked for marriage advice, here are the first four things I thought of. They are a bit random, but I hope you enjoy!!

 

There is No Arsenal

One rule that Ado and I established when we were dating and live by to this day is that we are NEVER allowed to throw the past in each others faces. For instance, if we've argued about something and resolve it, and then get into an arguement again, it's a rule that you can't go back and use the past as ammunition for the new fight. What's resolved, is resolved. It's done. The End.

 

Obviously sometimes there are ongoing issues, and it's okay to talk about those more than once, but we still don't get to throw the specifics of the past that we've forgiven at each other. You just gotta move on.

I think this is important advice for a healthy marriage and for arguing fair.

Sex Begets Sex

Lots of things in life require discipline and the more you do it, the more you're inclined to do it. Conversely, the less you do it, the less likely you are to do it. Attending church is a good example. Have you ever noticed that if things come up for a few weeks, that it's not really that big of a deal to miss church a third or fourth Sunday? But when you go regularly, you want to keep going.

How does this concept relate to marriage? Simple - sex begets sex. I'm telling you, the more you do it, the more you'll do it! So do it! Make making love a priority. Schedule it in if you have to. Because when the week gets busy and you have kids, and someone gets sick, and it's a late night at work, etc. the days easily fly can by and you might just realize that you've not been doing the one-flesh thing nearly as often as you thought you would be. So, enjoy one another and have lots of sex... which leads to more sex. Ooo la la!

Keep Your Marriage a Priority When Kids Exist

I'm in a place in my life where we have young children in the house. I realize you're not there yet, but here is my marriage advice for when you get there - the best way to be the best parent is to love your spouse. Let your kids see you loving one another. Be involved in a marriage group and still go on date nights; these take time away from your children, but teaches them that you value your marriage. It also fosters a safe environment - one of security for your kiddos - to know that mommy and daddy make each other a priority (and that they aren't the center of the universe).

Wait on the Baby-Making

I advise newlyweds to be married for a while before having kids. Get to know your spouse, just the two of you, before you add another layer to the family dynamic. Enjoy going out to the movies at 10pm and not needing a baby-sitter. Enjoy learning about one another now, while it's just the two of you. If there things to adjust to or issues to work through, they won't go away with kids in the picture.

We were married 4 1/2 years before we had our first kiddo and I don't regret it in the least! I adore being a mommy and this phase of my life, but I throughly enjoyed the first four years of marriage too.

So there it is - my random marriage advice - solicited by Robyn but unsolicited by you. Feel free to add your own bit of advice as a comment to this blog post for kicks. And if you're one of my friends in Canada, go to Robyn's blog and put your advice there - maybe you'll win her contest and score some movie tickets!