Getting Out the Door

I am chronically late. Growing up I was the worst about it (down right rude about not being ready on time) and my mom even left me home once to prove the point. As I got older and went away to college, I like to think that I was better about being on time. I may be fooling myself, but it's my memory, so I was better about it.

And then I became a mother. You have to understand that I don't like being late. And I'm pretty good at calculating drive time to locations. And personally I don't take all that long to get ready. But getting out the door... it's like this evasive lost art that I have definately not mastered.

I keep thinking that I need to add just five minutes to my get-ready time to load the car and hit the road. HA! I have two small children. Why I can't factor in the correct amount of time to get out the door I'm not sure, but alas, I am chronically late. And it drives me bananas.

For those of you without children, you may ask what the big deal is. Let me tell you why I hate Fridays as my perfect example. Fridays are the one day a week I go into the office - completely spoiled and blessed I know. But mind you I work hell-far away from where I live.

Usually I try to prepare outfits for the girls the night before to help save time (that includes what they'll be wearing as well as spare clothes to put in their backpacks) and I try to have lunch pretty much ready to grab so I'm not making sandwhiches before I leave. So, Friday morning my alarm rings. Usually I hit snooze because I don't get enough sleep and what's 10 minutes really? (This could very well be where my downfall begins, but you have to realize that I stay up too late trying to be productive - because when the kids are sleeping, that's the best time to get things done - and then the baby who was sleeping through the night but was sick for a month has her schedule all screwed up and now wakes up in the middle of the night again; so forgive me if 5 hours isn't enough and I want - no need - the extra 10 minutes. *Wow, that was an awesome run-on sentence*).  So, as I was saying:

• I get up, shower,
• get dressed
• do hair and make-up
• get my laptop bag ready and by the door (often having worked late the night before, it's usually not ready in the morning),
• get lunch into one bag and by the door,
• pump or nurse the baby
• get my breast pump bag ready with pumping parts, bottles, and lids ready and by the door (often this means washing parts)
• Put the bottle storage bag with ice packs by the door for me to take to work
• Get Natalia's bottles and nipples and an ice pack in her bag ready and by the door
• Put my purse and keys by the door
• Put the girls' backpacks, blankets and pillow by the door
• Get the baby ready
• Get Naiya ready
• Feed Naiya breakfast
• grab a light breakfast I can eat in the car and put it in the car
• Load the car
• Put the children in the car
• LEAVE THE HOUSE

It's exhausting. And without fail, no matter what time I wake up, we leave at the same time every Friday - 7:45 am. This allows me to get to work and clock in by around 9:30 am.

So, why can't I leave the house quickly? I have children. They will be my scapegoats. I wonder how other parents manage five days a week, but then again, I know several of them to be chronically late too.

Hmmm, maybe it gets easier as they get older... but I won't hold my breath. For now, forgive me... because I'll probably be late.

The Frailty of Marriage

I don't think I've ever thought of marriage as frail. I mean, sure it's a lot of work, and yes 50% end in divorce, my own parents not excluded. But even with those facts staring me in the face, I also know the pain divorce causes both the partners as well as everyone around them. And Ado and I have said from before we were wed that divorce would never be an option. Therefore, to me, divorce could never be a flippant decision. I mean, it's complicated and messy emotionally, financially, relationally, etc. To get a divorce is a big deal... or so I always thought.

Don't get me wrong, it's still a big deal. It's still painful and messy and NOT an option for my husband and I; however, as I watch relationships around me break apart, I have come to the realization that divorce is also easy.

I've realized, that if I wanted to walk away today, I can just say the word and file a bit of paperwork. Done. No, it doesn't mean there wouldn't be a slew of emotional and relational consequences that I would reap for myself, my spouse, my children, our extended families and our friends, but technically speaking it's just that easy. Marriage is fragile. Fragile to maintain a good one and fragile to maintain at all if your head isn't in the right place.

To be honest, divorce runs through my head all the time. Anytime Ado and I have an argument about something this thought crosses my mind, "This is the beginning of the end." I honestly think it has a lot to do with my parents splitting during my childhood and these are thoughts I have to take captive, because they aren't true. It's an abandonment issue or something that is in my mind that I am constantly taking to God. It's not that I have one foot out the door, it's just a place of fear I live in and am working to get out of. However, in all the years in which that thought has crossed my mind, I NEVER actually thought of really leaving or that I could just walk away like our marriage was nothing.

My new found realization that people actually treat their marriages so flippantly, is shocking honestly, and it scares the crap out of me even more. I believe in fighting for your marriage and now realize that if someone has a bad  week or month, they can throw everything away with ease.

People, marriage is a fragile thing. It is frail. You MUST fight for it - to keep it healthy before it gets bad. And you must NEVER give up when things do get bad. It's too easy to walk away these days, so it's important to check yourself and stole yourself ahead of time to not walk down that road.

Where does this "rant" come from? The pain of watching friends' marriages fall apart other the years and especially presently.

Is my marriage in jeopardy? Instead of an easy "No" I almost have to ask "whose isn't?" But no, Ado and I may have issues like any married couple, but we are resolved in our love for each other, our children, and our God and committed to the vows we took - committed to making it work. Besides, if he ever tries to leave me he'll probably get popped one in the face.

I just felt the need to put this all down. To get my thoughts out, but also to warn my beloved friends of the frailty of marriage. It isn't a rock, but something much more tender and in need of care. As Rick Stevens posted on his Facebook wall earlier today, "Do you have a vision for your marriage? If not talk to your spouse about where you want to be spiritually, financially, physically, emotionally, and relationally. Your marriage is worth it." Indeed, your marriage is worth saving - worth fighting for - worth working through all the crap for. When  you say "I do" you don't get to just walk away. Your marriage is worth it!

Divorce is too easy. Please, take the hard and worthwhile road to fight to keep yours.

I'm Just ME

Last year my brother-in-law, Benny, asked Naiya if she was a princess. We often ask her something to that effect, "Are you my princess?"

On this particular occasion, instead of a cute and expected "Yes", Naiya told Tío Benny, "No." He inquired, "Oh, what are you then?" And to his amusement her response was, "I'm a super hero!"

Of course we all got a chuckle out of that. So, the questions persist, and we never know what response we'll get:

"Naiya, are you silly?"

"No."

"What are you then?"

"I'm a princess!"

But my favorite, is one of her most standard answers:

"Naiya, are you a princess?"

"No."

"Are you a super hero?"

"No."

"Then what are you?"

Emphatically, "I'm JUST Naiya."

I love it!

How many of us can say with confidence, "I AM a princess." or "I AM a super hero." ?  And an even better question, how many of us can put aside the desire to be so many great things and with pride say, "I'm just ME!"?

Contemplating Grace

Last weekend, Naiya had a particularly rough day. She was just testing all her boundaries, pushing all the limits, and getting on my last nerve. After a full day of not listening and being defiant, we had a little talk as I put her to bed. I told her because her actions that day, that tomorrow there would be "no grace". I explained that if she was misbehaving at all, there would be no more warnings, just immediate timeout (I know, that's about "mercy", but the point is the same). I expected her to give me a pouty face and say "Yes Mommy" like normal. To my shock, she began to cry and pleaded with me, "Mommy, I want grace back. I want grace back." Wow, I never expected that reaction.

It's been on my mind ever since. I can't help but think about grace and mercy and what the Bible tells us God's reaction is to us. I mean, what if God told me, "Kelly, you've been out of line too much - done too much wrong lately. And your attitude.... Yeah, I'm withdrawing My grace from you." I'm dumbfounded. Thank God it's like we sing "if grace were an ocean we're all sinking." And that "His mercies are new every morning." I'm overwhelmed that as our parent, God is so gracious.

Was I wrong to not let Naiya push me around? No, as her mother I am to raise a disciplined little girl, but I think in the future, I'll watch my words a bit more and while there will still be consequences, I don't think there can ever be a flat "no grace, no mercy" policy again. After all, I am my Father's daughter and a reflection of Him.