The Frailty of Marriage

I don't think I've ever thought of marriage as frail. I mean, sure it's a lot of work, and yes 50% end in divorce, my own parents not excluded. But even with those facts staring me in the face, I also know the pain divorce causes both the partners as well as everyone around them. And Ado and I have said from before we were wed that divorce would never be an option. Therefore, to me, divorce could never be a flippant decision. I mean, it's complicated and messy emotionally, financially, relationally, etc. To get a divorce is a big deal... or so I always thought.

Don't get me wrong, it's still a big deal. It's still painful and messy and NOT an option for my husband and I; however, as I watch relationships around me break apart, I have come to the realization that divorce is also easy.

I've realized, that if I wanted to walk away today, I can just say the word and file a bit of paperwork. Done. No, it doesn't mean there wouldn't be a slew of emotional and relational consequences that I would reap for myself, my spouse, my children, our extended families and our friends, but technically speaking it's just that easy. Marriage is fragile. Fragile to maintain a good one and fragile to maintain at all if your head isn't in the right place.

To be honest, divorce runs through my head all the time. Anytime Ado and I have an argument about something this thought crosses my mind, "This is the beginning of the end." I honestly think it has a lot to do with my parents splitting during my childhood and these are thoughts I have to take captive, because they aren't true. It's an abandonment issue or something that is in my mind that I am constantly taking to God. It's not that I have one foot out the door, it's just a place of fear I live in and am working to get out of. However, in all the years in which that thought has crossed my mind, I NEVER actually thought of really leaving or that I could just walk away like our marriage was nothing.

My new found realization that people actually treat their marriages so flippantly, is shocking honestly, and it scares the crap out of me even more. I believe in fighting for your marriage and now realize that if someone has a bad  week or month, they can throw everything away with ease.

People, marriage is a fragile thing. It is frail. You MUST fight for it - to keep it healthy before it gets bad. And you must NEVER give up when things do get bad. It's too easy to walk away these days, so it's important to check yourself and stole yourself ahead of time to not walk down that road.

Where does this "rant" come from? The pain of watching friends' marriages fall apart other the years and especially presently.

Is my marriage in jeopardy? Instead of an easy "No" I almost have to ask "whose isn't?" But no, Ado and I may have issues like any married couple, but we are resolved in our love for each other, our children, and our God and committed to the vows we took - committed to making it work. Besides, if he ever tries to leave me he'll probably get popped one in the face.

I just felt the need to put this all down. To get my thoughts out, but also to warn my beloved friends of the frailty of marriage. It isn't a rock, but something much more tender and in need of care. As Rick Stevens posted on his Facebook wall earlier today, "Do you have a vision for your marriage? If not talk to your spouse about where you want to be spiritually, financially, physically, emotionally, and relationally. Your marriage is worth it." Indeed, your marriage is worth saving - worth fighting for - worth working through all the crap for. When  you say "I do" you don't get to just walk away. Your marriage is worth it!

Divorce is too easy. Please, take the hard and worthwhile road to fight to keep yours.